marssie was raised by wild yet somehow dignified wolves in a forest near the Black Sea. At the young age of 3.1415, she was kidnapped by pirates, and consequently learned to tap-dance while cleaning out the parrot cages. Once she escaped, by replacing all the pirates’ eyepatches with mashed potatoes, she settled in Sioux City, Iowa and taught herself to read and write with first editions of the OED. Tragically, at age sixteen, she lost her sense of smell after a run-in with some disgruntled cellists. marssie makes the best black bean soup ever.